Thursday, September 20, 2012

ON THIS DAY IN PRUSSIAN HISTORY

20 September 1260: The Great Prussian Uprising begins amongst the Old Prussians against the Teutonic Knights.

OKAY. So we know that Germanic Prussians have their origins from a group of Baltic Pagans. We also know that Teutonic Knights came in and took over and just took their name too because it sounded cool and they were also kinda lazy and unoriginal and shit.

Well, “Old Prussians” weren’t a single cohesive group - they were made up of several distinct clans. They lived along the Baltic sea around modern-day Russia and Poland.

Okay so wtf is this "Great Prussian Uprising"?

It’s basically where the Prussian clans got together and were like, "y’know we actually don’t like people trying to fucking invade us." So all but 2 clans got together and gave a collective "fuck you" to the Teutonic Knights.

"LET US SHOW YOU THE DANCE OF OUR PEOPLE, FUCKTARDS"

So the Prussians started to besiege several Teutonic castles, which were actually quite successful at first, despite the Prussians being unfamiliar with Western Teutonic war tactics and technology.

The Prussians would set up siege forts around each castle, preventing the Knights from raising large armies to deliver supplies to starving soldiers, and several smaller castles fell. Usually these castles were destroyed by the Prussians, however they did keep a few to man.

I’m sure there was some of this going on too.

The sieges were actually so successful that reinforcements were unable to arrive until early the next year, and those reinforcements were immediately crushed by the Prussians.

A second wave of reinforcements came and manage to break through the siege in Koningsberg, however after the reinforcements left, their duties seemingly over, the Prussians came right back and sieged the damn town again.

Long story short?

Prussians were kicking ass. They even got the Lithuanians and the Sudovians involved because they fucking hated the Knights too. The pope was permapissed because anything he tried to do was just getting crushed. Prussians even managed to, at one point, kill the Grandmaster Helmrich and his Marshal Dietrich. And that’s a big fucking deal.

By 1263 the Teutonic Knights only had strongholds in five places. 

It wasn’t until 1265 that shit started to turn around for the Teutonic Knights, and the revolt was finally crushed by 1271. It’s pretty legit so I’ll cover that in more detail later |D

So next time you hear someone describe the Baltic Prussians as just a bunch of uncivilized Pagans who didn’t do shit until the Teutonic Knights converted them?

That’s what Grandmaster Helmrich thought too.

Notes

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