words can hurt
- Germania: Hello Teutonic Knights
- Prussia: Omg dad nobody calls me that anymore I go by Prussia now get with the times
- Germania: Is that supposed to sound "cool" or something
- Prussia: Yes
- Germania: You're a loser. Now where is Holy Rome
- Prussia: DAD
ON THIS DAY IN PRUSSIAN HISTORY
25 August 1758: Prussian troops defeat the Russian army in the Battle of Zorndorf during the Seven Years’ War.
Okay so this battle was called the "Bloodiest of the 18th Century" by those who lived to see the end of it. Mostly because a shitton of people died. Duh.
This battle happened because the Prussians had lost a few battles and Queen Maria Therese of Austria was feeling pretty good about this war, and she thought that she could win it. In order to further her successes, she called upon the Russian army and asked if they would like to participate in a good old-fashioned Prussian ass-whooping.
The Russians, being the Russians, agreed.
In the days leading up, the Russians invaded East Prussia with 43,000 troops and got within 100 km/62 mi of Berlin in order to meet up with the Austrian Field Marshal Daun (remember him?)
Frederick the Great heard of this and was like, oh shit, well we gotta do something so they don’t meet up and then we’re pretty much fucked.
He was also probably Batman.
So what did he do? He gathered 36,000 men (compared to the Russians’ 43,500) and rode out to attack the Russians’ rear.
However, Count William Fermor, who was leading the Russians, heard about this and took up position near where he was in Zorndorf and sent out some “observation corps” (really just a bunch of young guys who had no idea wtf they were facing) to meet them on 25 August. I guess his plan was to have them get slaughtered and right when the Prussians thought they had won he’d be like, SHAZAM, HERE’S OUR REAL ARMY, BITCH!
The young corps actually managed to hold their own for quite a while until Friedrich Wilhelm von Seydlitz, one of the most famed cavalry generals in all of German history, showed up to help.
It’s nice to know this guy was prettier AND deadlier than most of us. Also I’m pretty sure that’s a salad in his hat.
Prussian and Russian cavalry faced off against each other, and the result led the Russian cavalry to retreat back to their infantry lines. However, with all the gun smoke and dust and WAR in the air, the Russian infantry thought it was the Prussians coming at them and open-fired on the cavalry.
During the battle, both sides quickly ran out of powder and resulted in hand-to-hand combat, which continued throughout the night.
The following day, the Russians finally retreated, after losing over half of their men. 80% of the “observation corps” of young dudes were dead. The Prussians lost over a third. Most historians consider this battle a Prussian victory, since the Russians were able to retreat out of Prussia and were thus unable to meet with their Austrian allies.
Afterwards, Frederick the Great was recorded to have remarked, "It is easier to kill the Russians than it is to win over them." Before this battle, he thought the Russians as incompetent, and afterwards, he was known to have great respect for them.
Anonymous said: Germany started having a sexual attraction to Prussia during his teen years. Prussia knew this but wouldn't allow such behavior since he was his brother and so young. Now that Germany is an adult, Prussia tends to be a bit more lose. Besides, who doesn't love a hot, German man under them moaning in pure pleasure and begging "Br-brother!"